Social Anxiety
Replaying the conversation for the ninth time.
(they weren't thinking about it. you were.)
Social anxiety isn't shyness. It's a full-body performance review that starts before you walk in and doesn't end when you leave. You're managing what people think of you in real time, and it's exhausting.
We use CBT to shrink all three parts of it: the pre-game dread, the in-the-moment self-monitoring, and the post-mortem at midnight.
What it looks like
Everyone else is at the party. You're in your head.
- You rehearse texts, emails, and voicemails like they're speeches.
- You feel your face get hot and then panic that people can see it.
- You leave early, or don't go, and then feel worse about that too.
- You over-share to fill silence, then hate yourself in the car home.
- You avoid speaking up in meetings even when you know the answer.
- You have real friends and still feel lonely because you can't drop the performance.
How we work on it
Change the belief. Change the behavior. In that order.
(you can't think your way out of social anxiety. you can act your way out.)
We name the core belief driving your anxiety — usually some version of "if people see the real me, I'll be judged and rejected." Then we test it, on purpose, in small experiments in your real life.
That means dropping the safety behaviors: over-preparing, rehearsing, self-monitoring, over-explaining. Those feel like they help; they actually keep the anxiety alive.
The work is behavioral. It's uncomfortable at first. It also works, and usually faster than people expect.
What you'll actually do
Small experiments in actually being seen.
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01
Catch the story
Name the prediction your brain is making about a social situation — before you get there. Then we check it against what actually happened.
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02
Drop one safety behavior
Pick one thing you do to stay 'safe' — over-prepping, scanning faces, gripping your drink — and try the situation without it.
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03
Do it on purpose
Speak up in the meeting. Send the not-perfect text. Say the awkward thing. Small graded exposures, done consistently.
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04
Kill the post-mortem
A specific plan for the 11pm replay: no rumination, no reassurance-seeking, no going back through the text thread. Sleep instead.
Straight talk
When I'm not the right fit.
- You want to eliminate all discomfort in social situations. The goal isn't zero anxiety; it's that anxiety stops running the show.
- You're not willing to do anything different between sessions. Social anxiety doesn't get smaller by talking about it.
If any of that is you, I'll say so on the consult and point you toward someone who's a better fit.
Common questions
Before you book.
- Is social anxiety the same as introversion?
- No. Introverts recharge alone; they're not usually terrified of being perceived. If you enjoy alone time AND panic before every social event, that's social anxiety.
- Will you make me do embarrassing things in public?
- No. Every exposure is planned with you, and always starts where you're at. I'm not going to send you out to sing on a street corner.
Ready when you are.
A free 15-minute call. You tell me what's going on. I tell you honestly whether I'm the right fit.